The Jerky Offensive is actually a very simple plot. First, my operatives will hide millions of cows in a specially built underground silo. Then, my expert geneticists will create a type of virus that kills cows instantly, but nothing else. They will unleash it on all of the continents of the world.

Once all of the cows of the world are dead, except for the cows held in my hidden underground silos, I will hack up all of the hidden cows into beef jerky. I will then put in a curable poison, created again by my expert geneticists, into the jerky. Then I will give it to the world as a generous offer.

The starving world will not be able to resist, and will take my poisoned beef with joy. Once everyone has eaten some of it, I will inform them of the horrible poison that they have all ingested. If the worlds leaders don't give me control of the world at once, the worlds population will collapse and again, my highly armed mercinaries will conquer the remaining populace. Bwa ha ha!!