ACTUAL SIGNS:

At a Santa Fe gas station:

"We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."

In a New York restaurant:

"Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."

On the wall of a Baltimore estate:

"Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.--Sisters of Mercy"

On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:

"38 years on the same spot."

In a Los Angeles dance hall:

"Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."

In a Florida maternity ward:

"No children allowed."

In a New York drugstore:

"We dispense with accuracy."

In the offices of a loan company:

"Ask about our plans for owning your home."

In a New York medical building:

"Mental Health Prevention Center"

On a New York convalescent home:

"For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."

On a Maine shop:

"Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.."

At a number of military bases:

"Restricted to unauthorized personnel."

On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards:

"Now available in multi-packs."

In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:

"Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."

In a funeral parlor:

"Ask about our layaway plan."

In a clothing store:

"Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:

"15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"

On a shopping mall marquee:

"Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced"

Outside a country shop:

"We buy junk and sell antiques."

In the window of an Oregon store:

"Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"

In a Maine restaurant:

"Open 7 days a week and weekends."

On a radiator repair garage:

"Best place to take a leak."

In the vestry of a New England church:

"Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."

In a Pennsylvania cemetery:

"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."

On a roller coaster:

"Watch your head."

On the grounds of a public school:

"No trespassing without permission."

On a Tennessee highway:

"When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash:

"If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."


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